Running with Carrie

Update

2006-08-21T23:02:00.000-05:00

New Things:

- Tomorrow I start school
- American Idol auditions were today and I was too chicken to go
- Still working at Brio and this will be the first time that I work and go to school at the same time
- I am having anxiety over parking on campus...
- I should have called my sister at least a week ago to see how her class is going :(
- I watched the Fantasia Barrino story on Lifetime tonight
- In my new apartment officially now
- Tentatively have decided to do the full Mercedes Marathon in February this time... we'll see...
- My little beta fish is over a YEAR old now
- I am horrible at keeping up this blog
- I was stupid and signed up for ANOTHER 8:00 class so I have to go to bed now

Graduation, Cats, and Fish

2006-05-31T13:21:00.000-05:00

My brother graduates high school!!!

Craig gets recognized for his academic achievements! Woooo! Smart kid.

Craig is fixing to get his diploma.

My roommate got a new kitty! How CUTE!!!

I actually caught this fish. No lie. Well, Zac helped me reel it in. But it's my fish. It was crazy!

School's out for summer!!!

2006-05-28T10:44:00.000-05:00

Yes, I have completed my second year of college. The most important thing that I have learned this year is that college is a special time in a person's life that must be appreciated. Think about it: you are semi-independent, yet still financially supported, you only have to go to class a maximum of 3 hours a day, and you only get stressed out about once a month when exams happen. It's a magical time that should be cherished.

In other news, I am now working as a hostess at Brio Tuscan Grill, an Italian restaurant by Brookwood Mall. The most important thing I have learned from working as a hostess is to never complain about a table that the host takes me to. Hosts have rotations that they follow to ensure that every server gets an equal amount of tables. Come on people, it's just a table. The food tastes the same no matter where you sit.

I have officially learned how to broil now. Zac and I have been experimenting with the concept on steaks and pork chops seeing as we do not have a grill. We have also been experimenting with different types of seasoning and marinade as a result of watching the food network at least one to two hours a day. Oh my god, what happens to people when they grow up?

Speaking of growing up, my brother graduated high school two days ago. Crazy. I took a million pictures, which I'd like to post, especially for Kate. However, Zac decided he has the cooler computer so we are using his right now. And I can't make it do ANYTHING I want it to do. Big surprise. So whenever Zac figures it out, they will be posted. If not, I am coming in a few days anyway Kate!!!

Wooooooooo!

To Mr. Zac Terrell

2006-03-22T15:53:00.000-06:00

Okay Mr. Internet, here's the deal. A certain someone is very agitated that I have yet to formally introduce you to him so this whole blog entry is dedicated to one of the most important and special people in my life.

Here is my very cute and very sweet and very lovable boyfriend, Zac.

He is a very smart fellow, who graduated salutatorian of his high school class!

Zac and I have been dating a little over four months. And in the summer when I get my apartment, he is going to buy me a kitty! :)

Zac's good for all kinds of stuff. Like when I don't want to study and I say, "Nooooo, I don't want to study!" He looks at me and says, "No American Idol till you study." And boom, the studying's done. And when the stupid girls at my old job made me cry, he said, "They are just jealous that you are so pretty." Hah! How awesome is that? He is a very good snuggler, and he eats whatever I put in front of him whenever I am in the mood to try some cooking experiments.

All in all, he is the perfect guy really. So here's to you Zac Terrell. You are the bestest. :)

Valentine's and Other Related Items

2006-02-19T13:55:00.000-06:00

My favorite day ever just happened: VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Of course this meant that I must go all out and buy pretty things like a nice table cloth and pretty candle holders. I even attempted to cook for real. I made chicken stir fry and it was good and I freaked out.

I guess this means that I am getting old, because I am very excited about things like cooking food that actually tastes good, and making tables look pretty. I also bought Zac a cookie cake and then I ate about 75% of it myself.

Then I made Zac pose by all of his Valentine stuff, because I am a girl and we make guys do that kind of stuff. He was very cooperative about the whole process and never got impatient with me when I asked him about 47 times in two minutes if he liked what I cooked.

In other news, I didn't get the Homevestors job, but I did go on another interview with Warren Averett, a CPA firm. I'm actually starting to feel more comfortable with interviews, but I will probably always hate them due to my innate fear of anything stranger related. My sister understands this best, as we both clam up, avert our eyes, and begin to stutter in any situation that involves talking to someone that we are not familiar with, whether it be people who work in stores, hairstylists, or hostesses in restaurants.

I actually did feel more prepared for this one however, and things were going well until the subject of my GPA came up. "The only thing that I am concerned about with you, Carrie, is that you have a 4.0." Yes, that is what she said. Apparently people who have 4.0's tend to have trouble with detail work and getting things done on time because they are such perfectionists that it takes them awhile to get started. Yeah, I was definately caught off guard and pretty much speechless. So yeah.

Classes are going well. I have had almost all of my first tests in each class, and it looks like another good semester. But right now, I'm not sure if that's even a good thing!

Also, I ran my first half marathon on Sunday, February 12 here in Birmingham. I ran it in a little under two hours, which is approximately a 9 minute mile. I finished 7th out of 38 people in my age group, and 196th out of 1084 women overall. So it wasn't too bad. It was also about 29 degrees outside. I had EIGHT friends come see me plus my mom, so I was quite shocked about that. Because seriosly, it was 7:00 in the morning and it was 29 DEGREES outside.

So I feel loved right now and happy about classes and unhappy about classes and still a little sore. But overall, things are good.

Feeling Stressed

2006-01-25T11:01:00.000-06:00

I am a little tightly wound stressball as of the moment. I recently discovered in my bank statement that the store where I returned two of my books took out $113 from my account instead of putting it in. So now I am $226 short in my checking account. $226 is a lot for me. It may not be for some people, but that is my hard earned money from this summer. What makes it worse is that I knew that it happened when I was in the store, but when I asked about it the girl just cocked an attitude and said that it was right. And I just didn't say anything. I knew, and I didn't say anything.

Also, I haven't heard about the job at all, which is making me feel uncomfortable and sad and self-concious all at once. She's supposed to call either way, but as the days progress, my hopes get dimmer and dimmer.

My computer class is probably the most stressful thing as of the moment. We've had a couple of lab days. Our teacher phrased it as such: "We have lab tomorrow. If you need to finish your homework, you can do it there." So Carrie thinks, "Wow, I'm done with my homework. I don't need to stay." Yeah. So I feel like a complete idiot, because everyone's been doing practice tests in lab, and getting help for the real test that I am going to have to take in two days! And I just feel so stupid, because I really should've figured that out. I really don't know anything about computers at all. I'm such a perfectionist about my grades, and I would just be so angry to have this stupid class mess it up.

Mostly, I have just turned into a really big girl about everything lately. And there is just no cure for that.

Some New Things

2006-01-19T11:07:00.000-06:00

I am in the process of training for the Mercedes Half Marathon in Feb. And yes, that is 13.1 miles. My crazy father talked me into it. To date, I have worked my way up to 9 miles at about an 8:45 minute per mile pace. I'm hoping to run it at about an 8:30 pace, but I'll be happy if I just finish it. So, kids, it's Feb 12 at like 7:00 in downtown B'ham. Be there.
I am going to apply for a summer leadership programs for the Big Four CPA firms this summer. Each company will hold about a two to three day workshop where they look for interns for next summer.
I will try to get an internship next summer with one of the Big Four. If I get it I will be making between 13 and 20 dollars an hour, maybe more than 20 in some cases.
I am currently in the process of trying to get a job with Homevestors here in Birmingham. I will enter information into Quickbooks, answer phones, and basically anything else. I'm still waiting anxiously for other people to be interviewed. I should know later on this week or next week. I am very nervous. I don't like competition.
I had a pretty horrible Christmas break because I had to work with icky people.
My hair's getting long again.
I am in love with spin class and my spin teacher Monica. She is amazing.
My roommate and I are getting an apartment next year, because I can't even walk in my room and I am ready to be a grown up. It sounds fun.
I bought a bunch of "professional looking clothes," because, if things go according to plan, I might actually need them one day.
Professional looking clothes are very grown up and fun.

In Which I Fail as a Girl and Totally Admit That I Cannot Shop

2005-11-22T11:33:00.000-06:00

A recent conversation with my friend Jason:

Jason: "Do you want to come with me to Brookwood Mall to take back a shirt?"
Carrie: "Only if you promise that I don't have to shop myself."
Jason: "Why don't you want to shop?"
Carrie: "Because those helper people harrass and intimidate me."
Jason: "They are only there to help!"

So Jason takes me to one of the most expensive stores in the mall, where I proceed to nonchalantly attempt to pick out jeans. I had barely begun to look when I was bombarded with a shaggy-haired, holey-jeaned high school boy asking if I need help. "No, I'm just looking." I don't really think anyone who wasn't mentally disabled would need help looking for clothes. Then I was pounced upon by another shaggy clone upon exiting the dressing room who wanted to know whether or not I was ready to check out. But I wasn't ready to check out. I was still looking. Then I was attacked with the original future abercrombie model in training asking yet again, "Do you need help?"

"NO I am just LOOKING!"

Oh my god.

I was afraid to move on to shirts for fear that I would actually be physically assaulted. So I quickly purchased my two pairs of jeans and bolted for the door, where the words"Bye, have a nice day!" rang in my ears.

I have yet to figure out why I am completely socially retarded. That, combined with my limited knowledge of the fashion world, makes me a pathetic excuse for a girl.

P.S. Another conversation that I overheard in the dressing room:

Whiney Girl: "But these one's just don't fit me right. I definately need to try a zero!"
Boy/Boyfriend: "They look fine!"
Whiney Girl: "No, I definately need to try a zero. And it probably needs to be long. Do you think that zeros come in long?"

So Carrie almost got arrested for bolting through a dressing room door to beat up a tall skinny model changing next to her. Just shut up and wear your one, because honey you could be me in the next stall trying on a five short.

Feeling Bad

2005-11-10T13:40:00.000-06:00

Hurting someone is the worst feeling in the entire world.

Bored

2005-11-09T20:51:00.000-06:00

Yes, it has been awhile. And I'd like to say that it is because I've been doing fabulous and exciting things and just haven't managed to find the time to update my poor little blog. But that is actually the farthest from the truth. Truthfully, I've been bored, lazy, and slacking in school. But eh, who doesn't get into those slumps?

I have decided to declare accounting as my major. It's strange though, because when I tell people I get the same reaction that I did when I told people what college I was going to. They just sort of scratch their heads and give me a puzzling look. However, I am firmly set as of this five minutes that I will make a fabulous accountant and someday I will make tons of money.

Tonight I will probably watch my fishy swim around in his little fishy bowl and maybe eat a cracker or two. I might flip through the channels and watch Friends and Sex in the City. And I will probably definitely be thinking that I am going to get so lost when my mom comes to Birmingham on Saturday and I must meet her for lunch.

Maybe I need a job to fill up all of this extra downtime I've been experiencing.

Hahahaha. That was a joke.

But really, my brain has turned to mush. Can anyone help?

Carrie Throws a Fit

2005-10-20T20:05:00.000-05:00

HEY DOES ANYONE READ THIS ANYMORE?!?

I know I only have, like, three dedicated readers anyway, but that in NO way gives you an excuse to quit leaving comments.

Geez.

In Which I Admit to Being a Groupie, and Dude, I'm Totally Not Ashamed So Back Off Would You?

2005-10-17T23:57:00.000-05:00

I tend to frequent Workplay quite often to support the struggling artists in the local area that are just trying to make it in the big bad music industry. Most of my visits are just a chance to relax and enjoy some good music. Nothing more and nothing less. Then, one late September evening, a typical visit to my favorite spot in town changed my life.

I met my future husband.

Sam Thacker, from the moment you looked down into my eyes from the stage, with that sexy sexy guitar in your hands, I just knew it was meant to be.

Will you marry me?

Look I even bought a shirt. And it can totally be changed to say Mrs. Sam Thacker once we are married. How CUTE is that?

Okay, seriously Sam, when should we set the date?

The Magic Answer is Chewy Granola Bars Of Course

2005-10-05T02:57:00.000-05:00

I took a super huge accounting test today. We only have three tests in there, so it was pretty important. I have decided that I like accounting and could possibly want to major in it. I have two requirements for my future job:

I want to make a lot of money.
I want to wear a suit or business clothes every day.

Accounting has a lot of potential to fill my requirements. Some of you may think that I am not taking the whole "decide your whole life thing" seriously enough. But when you are perhaps the most indecisive person on the planet, you tend to go to crazy lengths to actually make a decision. I mean, I decided to go to UAB because I liked the freshman dorm, and that worked out. If I can make a random choice about a college, why not a career?

I have been having a lot of trouble with the whole "timeline" of events that are supposed to occur when a person reaches my approximate age. I feel like I am being forced to make decisions that I am not mature enough to make just because this is the typical age that people expect you to make these decisions. I really don't know what else I would do if I weren't in college. I can't just hang out and do nothing. And God forbid if I ever have to work at a mediocre waitressing job again. But still, I feel so pressured and rushed. I am a little scared of commitment in general. It seems like a wonderful idea to be certain of people and events in your life, and I am quite sure that I will want it someday. But now I look back on so many failed ideas and failed relationships. I have gone from wanting to be a pharmacist, to nursing, to psychology, to pre-law. During that time, it was right for me. The feeling of "rightness" felt completely real. How do I know that this feeling of rightness will not pass? How many times can I be so certain of something before I change my mind once again? When will I experience the real feeling of rightness?

Enough soul-searching questions for one night. I have yet another test tomorrow to study for. And I'm totally mad because really how unfair is it to have a test TWO days in a row? Gosh, how mistreated I am by my professors!

P.S. I have unfortunately gotten into the habit of eating when I am supposed to be studying. I will take random breaks to get food just to have an excuse not to study. Tonight, I binge-ate three chewy chocolate chip granola bars to distract me from my psychopathology and culture test tomorrow. And that was just for dessert.

I am even amazed at that procrastination skill.

Some Things You Just Can't Change

2005-10-03T02:25:00.000-05:00

You know you are a band nerd when:

You make a special trip home from college for your high school football game, not to watch the team, but rather to watch the band.
The first thing you do is analyze the flag uniforms and decide that the skirt is too long and those heels are completely stupid, but overall the design and color are relatively nice.
You get completely excited when it is finally half-time.
You still go visit the band members beside the stadium during the third quarter after they are done with their show, even though you have been through with band going on two years now.
You get pretty nostalgic after the game when you think of all of the practices, bus rides, girlfriend/boyfriend/friend drama... the list goes on....
You spend a Saturday watching a band competition for fun.
You then spend the next Sunday talking about which bands were good and which ones just didn't quite cut it.

Band nerds everywhere: you know what I'm talking about. Don't even pretend to be ashamed.

BRHS band: you rock my socks off.

Greek Section is Like Totally Stupid

2005-09-27T01:11:00.000-05:00

So, yeah, like I totally always make fun of the Greek section at football games. I mean, not only do they dress up in really hot and uncomfortable nice clothes, but they also stand the entire time. It makes a lot of sense, doesn't it?

So when my friend Leighann called me and asked me to come to an Alabama game with her and sit with her new "friend" in the Greek section so that we have to dress up and be pretty, naturally I said, "Okay!"

It was stifling hot. That dress I was squeezed into was even more stifling.

Johnny C and Leighann!!! :)

This was my view. So many people. It was considerably different from UAB games. The weather was nice for the entire game, but as soon as fourth quarter was over the hurricane hit with blowing winds and gusty rains. We managed to take cover under a fellow tailgater's tent who kept us amused by drunkenly shouting, "Wet t-shirt contest!" to all of the sorority girl passers-by who were being drenched in the rain. After coming to the conclusion that the rain would not blow over for awhile, we decided to make a sprint to the car to end the day's festivities. I sat very wet, but satisfied as I contemplated the day's events in the car. It was a fun game with fun friends.

And as we drove out of sight a faint "wet t-shirt contest" could be heard through the wind in the distance.

In Which I Slowly Lose My Mind

2005-09-26T03:01:00.000-05:00

Here it is at 1:03 am and I am definitely only halfway through with a super huge take home test for American Lit. Yes, I am so very very bad. I had a pretty interesting weekend. I went to the Alabama game with my friend Leighann and was going to dedicate an entry to that with pictures and everything. But alas, my computer is being weird about pictures. Imagine my computer being weird? I shall have to save that entry for a day when my computer decides to get along better with me.

To change subjects entirely, I normally never watch the news because I am convinced that the media has too much power and could very easily manipulate what we see and therefore what we believe. It may be a stretch, but sometimes I become exceedingly convinced that the media actually forms the perception of reality that they know will increase ratings (i.e. violence, drugs, sex) and then proceeds to feed it into viewers until the line between actual reality and the more exciting version becomes increasingly blurred. The problem with my views, however, is that there actually is a lot of crazy shit going on now, what with wars and natural disasters and all. It probably would do me a lot of good to learn about what is going on in the world that I live in. But every time I watch the news, I just get really scared that the world is falling apart and we are all going to die. So the point of this is that as I was running in the rec center this afternoon, I couldn't help but watch some CNN coverage on one of the televisions. And as I watched the homeless roam the streets in the cities devasted by the hurricanes and the soldiers that died in a recent helicopter crash in Iraq, I did get really scared that the world is going to fall apart and that I am going to die. And I renewed my goal to never watch news.

But that does remind me that there is a lot of movies that I want to see. Even though I'm not such a big fan of all of the real life stuff that's going on right now, I am a ginormous fan of make believe. Maybe it's because my life has always involved a lot of make believe. I had such an imagination as a child that my fantasies would sometimes escape in vocalized conversation. This habit of talking to myself often resulted in several threats to be taken to a therapist when caught by my mother, but the more positive aspects included a greater appreciation of make belive and increasing attributes of creativity.

I must get started on my paper, because really this is pathetic. I will never graduate if I don't learn to start on papers before 1:00 in the morning. But perhaps I am being overdramatic due to the fact that everything seems more serious at this early time. A rational person would hardly assume that I was in danger of not graduating because I procrastinated on one paper my sophomore year.

So, I guess I'm in pretty bad shape people because not only do I think that the world is going to fall apart and I am going to die, but I talk to myself and never graduate in the process. Man, I really do need someone to take care of me, because I'm totally sucking at this.

Thoughts That Occur When Your Roommate Keeps You Up Until 2:11 AM On A Monday Night Because She Is Entertaining a Male Friend in the Living Room

2005-09-20T04:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I retract my statement about boys being "icky [turd] faces." Tonight, a very nice boy/friend took me out to eat after our test in Developmental Psychology. He is truly the one boy that I have been able to stay strictly friends with due to his ability to actually listen to me, as opposed to others who pause while looking me up and down to mumble "uh yeah" in answer to my questions . In the year since I have known him, he has not once made any advances physically, but has merely enjoyed my company. In fact, he so blatanly and obviously wants to remain strictly friends that I have, on occasion, gotten slightly upset that he is not attracted to me. Nevertheless, it is nice to have a boy enjoy me for my intellectual attributes and personality. Every girl should find someone to fill this role. Too often, girls mistake physical attraction for personality attraction. Girls want to feel as though they are captivating, not just beautiful. Oftentimes, if a girl has never found the person that makes her feel captivating, she settles for the one that makes her feel beautiful. But when you find a person that enjoys you for the person that you are, it makes an incredible difference in determining relationships that are healthy as opposed to those that are harmful. And even though he will always remain only my friend, he has given me incredible insight in the way that I should be viewed by the opposite sex and has set the standard for anyone that I may choose to enter into relationships with.

BOYS! EHHHH!

2005-09-17T04:19:00.000-05:00

So, my friends and I recently had a girls' night out because we have all come to the conclusion that boys are icky terd faces, and we have more fun without them. We decided to go see a Michael Warren concert.

Look at those hott ladies. What a lucky man Michael is to have four of the lovliest girls on his arms.

Leighann and Jessica always know how to have fun and make me smile!

The new roommate even came for the festivities!

All in all, it was a fun night and highly recommended. And there weren't any boys to stink up my fun. The end.

The Requirements of Being a Nerd

2005-09-15T16:43:00.000-05:00

Today I got a "practice paper" back in philosophy that served the purpose of teaching us the grading style of our professor before we had a real assignment due. BUT THEN he totally throws in a twist today by allowing us to count this grade for our first paper if we so choose. THEN he builds the suspense by stating that "two of you will take me up on this offer." So now I am completely on the edge of my seat staring at the pile of papers that contain my fate. One by one, the papers are returned to their writers. And just as anticipation climaxes, my name is called.

Don't you just freakin hate how professors always put your grade on the last page!!!

So naturally enough, after frantically thumbing through the pages to the end, I find myself in the elite two (assuming that this means the two who would take him upon his offer made A's). I sit back with smug satisfaction and look around the room at the fifty or so classmates that comprised my competition. Yeah, they never stood a chance.

This is what makes you a nerd, by the way.

Also, a recent conversation with my friend Jason:

Jason: "Let's skip class today. Come on, he hasn't started yet. Let's just go."
Carrie: "WHAT? No!"
Jason: "Come on, he never talks about anything in the book. Come on, let's go. He's fixing to start."
Carrie: "No. What if he says something important? I'm scared."
Jason: "Right now. Last chance."
Carrie: "Ummm...."
*Professor begins to teach*
Jason: "Well now you've waited too long."
Carrie: "I'm sorry!!!"

And Then the Clouds Opened and a Beautiful Computer Geek Nerd Angel Descended Unto Carrie's Dorm Room to Fix Her Retarded Computer

2005-09-13T17:05:00.000-05:00

My computer has been fixed for five good days with no complications so far. Hooray! A friend of a friend completed this magical task for me. I felt so bad that he took about two hours of his time to fix the computer of a technologically stupid girl that he had never met before that I decided to compensate him for his efforts. Cash was out of the question, because I hardly know what that looks like anymore. So I made him a pan of brownies instead, which I consider a relatively fair trade. I mean, I would work two hours for some brownies definitely. With the horrible waitressing experience this summer, the complete and utter lack of any kind of technological knowledge, and the mere fact that I get lost EVERY single time I try to drive, I have begun to realize that I have never had and will never have common sense. This is the reason why I will have to get married right away. I just can't function on my own. I'm just too stupid.

While we are on the subject of marriage, I have started to experience some swiftly changing thoughts in that area. I always assumed that I would get married straight out of college when I was younger. The idea that you will meet your husband in college, get married, get a job, and start a family is spoonfed into little girls from the moment that they watch their first Disney movie and play with their first barbies. I was no different. But as the years pass and college graduation shifts from being a distant dream to a reality in the near future, I have found that I am still very much a child. Marriage is such a mature decision to make. It is just way too grown up for me.

In other news, I know now that I hate philosophy. With a passion. Period. There are arguments supporting arguments which oppose other arguments and so on and so forth. At the end of the day, you have talked yourself into a circle and still have not come to a conclusion. YOU STILL DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER. And you will never know the answer. What's the point? What a waste of time.

The boyfriend has informed me that I have a bad attitude about life in general. I haven't decided whether this is something that I need to work on, or something that defines who I am as a person and needs not to be tampered with. If I do have a bad attitude, it is only because I know what I want and what makes me happy and I do not want to waste my time otherwise. In other words, I put up with very little bs. This is a good thing, because I don't get taken advantage of. However, it is very easy to go overboard hating the world sometimes. I don't want to be viewed as nutso. I don't think it's my fault anyway that I am not very optimistic about the world or its people. To use the psychodynamic approach, I just consider my initial distrust and immediate disliking of people a result of being picked on at daycare. Stupid playground bullies.

I am not going to start my first round of tests until next week, so I am super excited about taking this week pretty easy. I will start by settling in with cheesecake tonight and watching the newest episode of the Real World where they get to go camping. I am just dying to find out if Mel and Danny are able to work out their differences and also if the kiss between Wes and Johanna is going to make them feel awkward.

It's going to be incredibly exciting.

Did I Mention Evil Computers?

2005-09-06T21:05:00.000-05:00

Okay, so here's the deal: my computer doesn't work again. It probably won't ever work again. So I lied last entry. Sorry.

Also, my car got broken into by someone either very rushed or very stupid. See, here's the thing people. I live in the middle of downtown Birmingham. Downtown Birmingham = the ghetto. Because I know that I live in the middle of the ghetto, I tend to shy away from leaving anything of financial or sentimental value in my car. In fact, I don't leave anything at all in my car. I don't even leave a cd player to be stolen because the face of it comes off and is tucked away in my room with me at all times. Now, an intelligent person would assume that if another person were to attempt to break into just one vehicle in a parking lot full of cars to obtain something of value, he/she would take enough time to make certain that the said vehicle would obviously have something worth breaking a window (that is worth two hundred and two dollars in damage) for.

THERE IS NOTHING IN MY CAR TO TAKE YOU STUPID THEIF!!!

In other news, I have my first test on Friday. I am experiencing a pretty moderate case of the sophomore slump. The excitement of the newness of college has definately faded, and I still haven't decided a major. I can't help but feel discouraged in my classes when I don't even know what the final objective will be yet.

The final story of the day is that my tummy has hurt for two days straight.

And that's icky.

Sorry things haven't been more exciting guys.

Evil Computers and Inner Struggles

2005-08-24T00:25:00.000-05:00

Okay, so after various struggles with the computer, I think that it is actually working and I am free to inform my committed readers of the everyday activities that fill my life once more. I know that you were all scared that I wasn't going to come back, but you can rest in peace knowing that I am once more here to entertain you.

Yeah, just kidding.

In fact, I know of a total of about three people that frequent this site. But that's not so bad. Having fewer people comment cuts down on the possibility that people will leave mean comments. Because I totally wouldn't care at all. Really. Yeah, I'm so over that high school drama.

Yeah.

So, school is in full swing and I'm slowly adapting once more. The brain truly is a muscle that needs to be exercised to reach its fullest potential. My brain has slowly rotted this summer without intellectual stimulation. So making the transition to using it in class has been a slow process. My body wasn't doing so hot either due to the ginormous volumes of ice cream I consumed when I began to get depressed about being away. The lovely new rec center is helping in that area however. I have dabbled in a little bit of everything at the beautiful new facility. I have spun until I was dizzy in spin class, I have sprinted like a deer flying through the woods on the new treadmills, I have crunched and sweated in core conditioning, and I have lifted weights with the boyfriend which resulted in me repeating several phrases such as, "I can't do it", "It hurts Matt!", and "No, I am not whiney. Why are you being so mean?" Really, somebody needs to keep me away from dumbbells.

So my latest adventure occured this afternoon. It involved a very deep and intense personal struggle. Before I delve into this masterpiece of a thriller, I must give some background information.

See, I'm a special sort of student. I get really excited at the beginning of semesters. For about the first two or three days of a class I will do everything perfect and read all of the assignments. Somewhere along the way, I slip up and something other than homework becomes appealing to me. This could include a variety of things such as watching my fish swim around his tank, painting my toenails, seeing how long I can hold my breath, etc. Then I am forced to cram for the test the night before all the while thinking to myself, "Carrie you are so stupid for waiting until the last minute to study, because now you will be up all night trying to cram an impossible amount of information into your head." It gets really scary when, as the hours slowly tick by and daylight looms around the corner, I find myself actually saying out loud, "Carrie you are so stupid for waiting to study until the last minute, because now you have been up all night trying to cram an impossible amount of information into your head." But you are only crazy if you answer yourself back, right? In conclusion, I am physically and mentally exhausted for about a week after each exam. I vow during every day of bedraggled hair, sloppy clothes, and puffy eyes that never again will I procrastinate on a test.

I've reached day two in all of my classes thus far, and I must say that I am right on track. Yesterday, I brought my philosophy book down to the laundry room to wash clothes and I read like eleven pages. No lie. And today, I actually finished nine whole problems in my accounting homework during the DAY, instead of taking my daily nap.

However, I reached a sad point in my progress this afternoon as I decided whether to read psychology this evening, or force the boyfriend cook for me and watch the Real World.

I must say that the food was terrific. Besides, who in their right mind could miss Danny coming back so he and Mel could be together only to find that he is scared of commitment, and then after Mel's near alcohol poisoning scare find that he does truly have feelings for her after all? Really people, there was no other choice.

I might say that I am disappointed in myself for not learning from my mistakes or growing up any over the past year. But who am I kidding? Who wants to be an icky grown up anyway?

At Last

2005-08-17T13:34:00.000-05:00

Hooray for being back at school!!! I successfully moved in yesterday. Let me tell you, moving in to a dorm is tough work when there is a 20 min wait for the two small elevators that are supposed to service all eight floors, you have about four or five good loads, your mother makes you take the stairs with one of your heaviest suitcases, and you live on the fifth floor. But enough with that. I am moved in, I have visited Al's to get a barbeque chicken baker, I have gotten to see the wonderful boyfriend again, and I am a satisfied girl.

Now I just have to start school.

Eeeeuuuuw.

Halfway Through

2005-07-11T18:03:00.000-05:00

So, summer has has hit the halfway point. I am no longer at camp, but instead trying my hand at waitressing. Until midway through August, I will be waitressing at a country club. The only comment I have on that is I feel incredibly sorry for the people who have to be my first table, because I will undoubtedly forget their order and/or spill their food and/or mess up their bill. In fact, I will probably do these things to many tables. To be completely honest, I think that I am the worst person who ever tried to begin waitressing. Yep, I get the award.

In other news, I have been eating a lot of ice cream due to my intense boredom of being in Alex City with no friends.

I am ready and waiting to go back to Birmingham.

Very ready.

Waiting patiently.

Very patiently.

Camp Thoughts

2005-06-18T07:11:00.000-05:00

Thought that I would update as I grabbed a little bit of internet time. All is well. I'm heading into my third week of camp. So far, the staff's gotten along, and I have had really great campers. One thing about camp, however, is that even with great campers and a staff that gets along, camp in general can be difficult. I feel very cut off from the rest of society, but mostly I am just tired. I am tired down in my bones. From seven in the morning to nine at night, I am in counselor mode. And I do love my campers. But I think this is going to be the last year that I can do this. I think that some people are born with the skills to be counselors and others just aren't. I do not think that this job comes naturally to me. It is just strange that I did not figure it out until my third year. I've got to figure out my life right now. This is the point where I need to focus on me.

Now I must go and enjoy the few hours that I have for a weekend. So I hope everyone is having a good summer.

So Long, Farewell!

2005-05-02T22:23:00.000-05:00

This is goodbye for the summer! I have taken a break from the last minute frantic packing/studying to bid farewell. Being that the parents are working on being one of the most technologically backward people on the planet, I will not have internet access in my house in the lovely city of Alexander City. So my blog may or may not remain updated. I will miss being in touch with the rest of society, and all I can ask is that you all do not forget about me.

I am still in awe that my first year of college is over. Freshmen year seems to be such a major turning point in life. When I look back, I can definitely say that much has changed and even more has been learned. Hopefully I am older and wiser than the naive little country bumpkin that was dumped into the big city last August.

Thanks to all who comment and goodbye for now! Much love.

The Trials of Growing Up

2005-04-27T17:12:00.000-05:00

Three things that have recently made my parents disappointed in me:

My first fender bender
Two lovely little parking tickets
The discovery of a few photographs revealing the consumption of a certain sort of "beverage" by several of my friends. Fortunately, I was excluded from the partaking of this beverage, but nevertheless the situation was presented in such a way as to make me look less than perfect.

Why is it that every time I feel as though I have progressed foward enough in my life to be taken seriously enough to almost be considered semi-adult, something happens to halt the advancement?

Why?

I had an incredible semester last semester. I had a little job, I made great grades, I did well with my money, I learned how to live on my own, I learned how to deal with Birmingham traffic, I learned how to cook and clean and get along with my roommates... the list goes on. For the first time in my life, I felt like the parents treated me differently. There was a level of trust, respect, and pride that I had never experienced before generating from them. We actually, *gasp* GOT ALONG!

What is it that those peppy little optimistic people always say: "With the sun, comes the rain?" Or is it: "You will never appreciate the good things in life if you do not experience hard work and mistakes first?"

Even if my rational better judgement assumes these statements to hold some accuracy, I still can not help but be a little blue today. This stage of my life has proven to be the most difficult after all. To quote Mrs. Britney Spears Federline, "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman."

Okay, you can all quit laughing and making fun of me for making a Britney Spears reference now.

I realize that later in life I will look back at this time period when I was supported completely financially and still enjoyed almost complete freedom, and I will laugh at myself for not being content. BUT I will be foolish and young for the moment, because all I want as of this very instant is to be done with childhood right now. This isn't so much to ask. We are the generation of instant gratification after all, are we not?

Someone say something nice to me, please.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

2005-04-24T12:54:00.000-05:00

The weekend's festivities began early with a trip to the Baron's baseball game on Thursday. I decided to take a break from the stress of wrapping up the semester to enjoy one of America's favorite past times.

Here the little league baseball players got to run out on the field with the big guys for the national anthem. Awww. How sweet!

Matt and his friends decided to take a break from the stress of wrapping up the semester to enjoy the dollar beer of Thirsty Thursday's.

A couple of friends came from Tuscaloosa to visit as well! I can't be around boys all of time. They would drive me nuts!

Afterward, a few of us went to Formaggio's for pizza. The night was filled with laughter and smiles. Old friends caught up, and new friendships were formed.... ;)

My boyfriend, my best friend, and pizza - a great night!

All in all, it was a fun time even though the team lost. The most important part of the night was that it offered me a chance to destress and have fun with some friends, and that is what every freshman needs during finals of their last semester!

Just For You, Kate!

2005-04-20T15:33:00.000-05:00

This entry will not make sense unless you read the entry and its comments prior to it.

It seems that I have made a grievous error according to a very special person in my life, and for that I extend my deepest regrets. So Kate, this is for you.

This is my beautiful sister Kate. She is the drunk of the family.

She also happens to be very "special."

Just kidding!!! She is a great person and my best friend in the whole world. And Kate, the only reason why I didn't put pictures of you up in the last entry is because I was rushed for time, I don't have any pictures of you on my camera, and I didn't think about going to your photo albums and saving pictures that you have taken because of being so rushed and a little computer retarded as well. AND I DID TALK ABOUT YOU IN THE PARAGRAPHS, but apparently you are too lazy to read now!

And she has a wonderful and loving husband who is a great guy!

To be serious, Kate is the person that I truly identify with more than any other person. She and I have had countless late night talks that have solidified our relationship. I used to borrow her clothes and copy the way that she did things. Her advice helped me tremendously through the aforementioned horrendous middle school years. I love you Kate!!! And it is a good thing that I forgot about you in my previous blog, because now you get a whole entry dedicated entirely to you!

About Me

2005-04-20T11:17:00.000-05:00

Now that I know how to post pictures, I thought I should formally introduce myself. Thus far, my little blog has consisted of random thoughts, stories, and incidences from the past. I have never really tied it together though, for fear of the internet freaks who might decide to stalk me or my family. However, I am feeling carefree and lighthearted today, and I will throw caution to the wind. Here is my story.

I was born in a sleepy little town in the wonderfully backward state of Alabama. I had two parents and two siblings. During my younger years, my brother, sister, and I fought so consistently and bitterly that I marvel at the parents tolerance for annoyance. I was never allowed to have a television in my room, a trampoline in the backyard, or one of those little Barbie Jeeps to ride in. I was teased incessantly throughout at daycare, so I was never very active on the playground. I did, however, occasionally play "house" with some of the girls, though I never was allowed to play the coveted role of mother. I was, with little grace and even less dignity, forced into the lesser roles of sister or, God forbid, pet. When I got older and could muster up enough confidence to steal a ball, I became quite skilled at two-square. I was the champion among the younger girls. My favorite game to play at home was a very different version of "house" in the back of my dad's truck with the boys from up the street. If we were lucky, we would have a broom as a prop, and I was always the mother. If it happened to be an incredibly lucky day, my sister, four years my senior, would regress into her younger years and help me wed my barbies. In the time period of the pre-pre-teen years, or the years from about nine to eleven when I had not quite become embarassingly self-aware of the physical differences between my male playmates and me, I enjoyed walking on trails in the woods and climbing trees.

I entered a very awkward stage during my pre-teen years. During the time period when other girls were discovering curling irons, eye shadow, and braces; my buck teeth and freckles became increasingly obvious. For the most part, however, I remained somewhat oblivious to the differences between my female peers and me. I developed violently guarded emotional friendships with the groups of girls in my classes. We cried with each other, laughed with each other, and told each other our deepest secrets. We swore that we would love and honor only each other as best friends, and then we forgot about each other as soon as the new school year, with new classes and new best friends, dawned.

Middle school was a horrid awakening of self-awareness, lonliness, and pure torture. The end.

Socially, high school proved to be a continuance of my pre-teen years. I formed tight relationships which developed into small communities. These communities were built on tightly upheld rules that must be followed at all times by the friends within. Some of these rules included the following:

- A friend will not steal the guy that you like, your boyfriend, or your ex-
boyfriend.
- A friend will not talk about you behind your back, especially to another friend.
- A friend must invite you to all social activities that she invites other friends
to.
- A friend will not do or say anything intended to hurt, either physically or
emotionally.

These rules were, of course, violated quite frequently and became the source of much drama that would occupy our days and free us from the intense boredom that innately exists in a small town.

Romantically, my high school years were wildly exhilerating and fresh. My curfew was always very strictly enforced and my options of where to go and who to go with were consistently limited. My father did not speak when boys came to pick me up, but merely grunted and glared. But I was young, determined, romantic, and very idealistic; and I found a way to make that first love happen, though I had to be very creative with my choice of words at times. And it was beautiful and exciting and unforgettable.

Today, I am currently an undergraduate student at the University of Alabama in Birmingham. I do not have a major, or a direction in life. I am a step aerobics assistant, with hopes of becoming a teacher in the fall. I am pretty sure that I failed my group certification test that I took last Friday. I think that I am still going to be an assistant in the fall. I work at a special needs camp during the summer that touches my heart and gives me a tan. My roommate is incredibly messy and will not do her dishes or take out the trash. I plan on deciding my future either this summer or during the fall. I am forced to go to basketball games and football games by the boyfriend. I have been dating the boyfriend for eight months. My father actually likes this boyfriend. My sister moved away to San Antonio last summer, and I am going to take my first trip on an airplane to see her in May. I love living in Birmingham, because of the crazy night life. I want to make a lot of money.

Here are some of the people in my life:

These are the parents at Easter. I have finally faced the fact that I am always going to be shorter than my mother.

This is my brother wearing the pink shirt that I recommended. I do not care what anyone says, I like pink on guys.

This is the "special" cat that my family has.

My new beta fishy! He's so cute!

Three beautiful ladies having fun. These are my friends Jessica and Leighann.

The dishes that I have to live with.

The cookie cake from a previous entry given by the boyfriend.

Finally, the boyfriend!!!

So there it is, my life in five minutes. Hope it was worth your time!

Birthday Week!

2005-04-16T19:00:00.000-05:00

Wow. What a week! I have much to tell. To begin, as many of you well know, it has been a very celebratory week, what with my birthday falling on Monday and the boyfriend's twenty-first birthday following on Wednesday. I had about four very successful birthday parties for myself alone. The festivities commenced with a trip to Auburn on Saturday. A delicious dinner accompanied with the viewing of the infamous Sin City. Unfortunately, I did manage to leave my leftovers in a friend's apartment. This is a tragic thing to a poor college student who doesn't like to cook and whose main source of food is bologna sandwiches. Sunday included being taken out to eat by the parents, as well as being cooked for by the boyfriend upon my arrival back in Birmingham. By the way, I have gained about ten pounds.

Here the boyfriend surprised me with a beautiful candle lit dinner of steak and potatoes. The foosball table and couch in the background also added to the romance of the night.

He also tolerated the ultimate chick flick of all time, The Notebook. The Notebook should come with a warning label and that is all I have to say. I started crying in the middle of the movie and literally did not stop until the end. All in all, I probably cried for an hour. I don't think that I have cried for an hour about anything before. That's a dangerous movie.

The boyfriend also took me out to eat on Monday, my real birthday, as well. We went to a lovely little Italian restaurant called Lavoy's. It was so beautiful. It looked straight out of a movie, and I felt like a princess.

To show my appreciation for the boyfriend, I did some things for him as well.

There is no doubt where this party is!

Happy Birthday to Matt!!!

Look very closely at the balloons floating near the ceiling. A trip to the store to get those suckers cost me a fender bender. Hope you enjoy those balloons Matt.

No party would be complete without cake and presents! This is the kind of stuff that is going to get him beaten up by his friends.

Unfortunately, with the cake from my family and the cake from the boyfriend, this results in the third cake consumed within a week.

I think the party went very well. But please don't tell his friends, lest he should be labeled with the undesirable term of being "whipped".

And while I am on the subject of his friends, a side note: I suppose I assumed that the boyfriend turning twenty-one would be an enjoyable experience, but strangely enough I haven't really seen much of him since Wednesday. Hmmm...

Tonight we conclude our celebratory week with a birthday dinner with the boyfriend's family. There will be much merry making as his family celebrates his transition from being their little boy to a young man.

I only hope they don't have cake.

Mmmm... Cookie Cake!

2005-04-06T14:03:00.000-05:00

It is certainly very lovely to be back at school, I must say. Well, it's lovely besides all of the schoolwork. I have a new companion. He's a little blue beta fish named Ted. He is very hyperactive and loves to dart and swim at fast rates around his little vase. He is wonderful company when I am feeling lonely in my little dorm room. It's just good to have something alive sometimes. And even better to have someone who doesn't talk too much or leave dirty dishes!

After a week of feeling somewhat emotional, I must say that I do feel better. Being a girl is a very tough thing sometimes. I am absolutely convinced that some girls literally lose their minds for one week out of the month. Unfortunately, I am not an exception.

Yesterday I had a meeting with the advisor. Basically, I need to start deciding a direction at least. I have one week to do it. How can you decide your whole life in one week? I feel so much pressure!!! I felt really sorry for her, because I basically had a semi breakdown right there in her office. She looked as though she'd seen similar emotional outbursts before. Perhaps she was thinking, "Oh god, here it goes again. I have to sit through another one who doesn't have a clue." Sorry Ms. Advisor.

Now to the most important news: my birthday is in less than ONE WEEK. That gives everyone a chance to still go and get me presents. I like stuff that can go in my dorm room and anything that tells me how much of a princess I am. Remember: April 11th is the big day!

To finish the blog entry for the day, I will conclude with a sappy story:

Carrie and the boyfriend sit outside the HUC around 6:30 yesterday eating supper and waiting for Carrie's meeting to start at 7:00. Boyfriend is irritated about Anatomy. Carrie begins to chew on ice. Boyfriend gets irritated about Carrie chewing on ice. He has told her repeatedly several times before of his irritation. Carrie finds boyfriend's irritation amusing and begins to crunch louder. Boyfriend gets angry and knocks cup of ice over. Carrie shoots mean look and leaves boyfriend on sidewalk to go to her meeting. Boyfriend is waiting in Carrie's dorm upon dismissal of meeting. Carrie shoots second mean look of the day. Boyfriend pulls out cookie cake with the words, "I'm sorry sweetheart," on it and a card with a bunch of sweet and sappy things written on it. Carrie's ice cold heart melts. Both conclude the fight was somewhat silly.

Lesson of the day: Chew ice - get cookie cake.

Life After Spring Break

2005-04-03T18:09:00.000-05:00

Thought of the day: Birmingham = my balance. The end.

Everyone Else Is Doing It!

2005-03-23T15:10:00.000-06:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Carrie Day Ferguson
Birthday:	April 11, 1986: a day in history
Birthplace:	The wonderful Alexander City, AL
Current Location:	The Ham
Eye Color:	Gorgeous Blue!
Hair Color:	Brown with lingering hints of summer highlights (No, this does not mean I have roots!)
Height:	5'3 or so
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Ancestors came over on the Mayflower
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Brown Sauconys
Your Weakness:	Chocolate and boys that promise me the world
Your Fears:	Gaining weight, not making A's, being alone
Your Perfect Pizza:	Domino's Deluxe with Leighann at 4:00 in the morning!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	I would like another 4.0 for my second semester, to be certified for group fitness, and to sing rap songs to Matt without him laughing.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	yeah :), omg, how are you
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Oh god
Your Best Physical Feature:	The hair, maybe my tight little butt (yeah right)
Your Bedtime:	3:00 AM on nights before tests, 11:00 PM on regular nights, and 10:00 on nights before my 8:00 class.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Maybe I've missed out on a lot of memories that I could've made. Hmmm. Isn't that something to think about.
Pepsi or Coke:	Neither: I'm a Dr. Pepper and Red Mountain Dew girl
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Both, yum!
Single or Group Dates:	Important to have a balance of both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Milo's and my grandmother's tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	CHOCOLATE
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Mmm... coffee
Do you Smoke:	Yuck
Do you Swear:	Occasionally
Do you Sing:	Every second of the day.
Do you Shower Daily:	When I remember.
Have you Been in Love:	Definitely
Do you want to go to College:	Maybe one day.
Do you want to get Married:	Most definitely.
Do you belive in yourself:	Yes, until I have a bad day.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No, I am not a wimp.
Do you think you are Attractive:	When I am surrounded by people who find me attractive.
Are you a Health Freak:	100% yes, and EVERYONE ELSE SHOULD BE TOO!
Do you get along with your Parents:	Beautifully now that I don't live with them.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	If I have someone to snuggle with
Do you play an Instrument:	Violin and Trumpet (But I don't know if you would call it playing!)
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Maybe
In the past month have you Smoked:	Definitely not
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Hmmm... define drugs
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Every day! :)
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	No, and I need to too! Anyone want to go to the mall with me?
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Eeuuww, oreos are nasty.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Most definitely
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Unfortunately no.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	No :)
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No, but just give me two months :)
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Hmmm... maybe the spotlight, but nothing tangible.
Ever been Drunk:	Maybe
Ever been called a Tease:	By many a man. Watch out. ;)
Ever been Beaten up:	No, but I've always wondered what it would be like.
Ever Shoplifted:	One time, I stole one peppermint patty from the containers in Wal-Mart that are open, and I was definitely old enough to know better.
How do you want to Die:	Suddenly and unexpectedly
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A rock star!
What country would you most like to Visit:	Somewhere tropical. (A shirtless man fanning me and feeding me grapes is required)
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Green. I also like long eyelashes.
Favourite Hair Color:	Typically brown, but for the moment RED is incredibly sexy.
Short or Long Hair:	Not too short, not too long.
Height:	Taller than me.
Weight:	In shape, whatever weight that may be.
Best Clothing Style:	Whatever the guy feels most comfortable in.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Define drugs.
Number of CDs I own:	Maybe about 15
Number of Piercings:	Only one in my ears, but I would have gotten a belly button ring a long time ago if I wasn't threatened with being disowned and cut off financially by the parents.
Number of Tattoos:	Unfortunately none.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Too many to count.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

HELP!

2005-03-20T14:03:00.000-06:00

Let me tell you a story of a technologically ignorant young girl named Carrie:

Carrie sat at her computer today checking her email, her blog, and thefacebook (three rituals that take place daily), when she noticed that her good friend Zach sent her an instant message on MSN. It was a file that needed to be opened. Now, her friend Zach said not a word when sending this message, and he had never sent anything to be opened before. Then there was that one time that he sent her an email with something that needed to be opened, and the only reason that she didn't is because her computer caught the virus and wouldn't let her. There are also the countless lectures that she receives from her father about checking for problems, getting rid of spyware, and being careful about opening anything.

So, Carrie opened the file.

I HAVE A BIG STINKING VIRUS or something that messing up my computer right now, and I don't know what to do!!! I know that I have sent it to everyone on my msn list probably about three times today accidently. I have tried to perform searches for problems on this Spybot thing that my Dad showed me and on the Ad-aware thing that Denise told me about, AND THEY DON'T WORK!!! My computer keeps freezing up, and both of them will find the problems, but won't get rid of them.

I am so frustrated right now. I don't know ANYTHING about computers at all. I am here in Birmingham surrounded by people who also don't know anything about computers. I just want my computer to make me happy by working right for once. And maybe one of these days I will learn not to do stupid things to it.

Now, all I can do is ask for help.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!! Anyone who knows anything about computers, help me fix this! I am asking from the bottom of my impatient and frustrated heart. Thank you.

P.S. I am sorry to everyone on my list who I sent the virus to.

And I Said Hey! What's Going On?

2005-03-19T19:54:00.000-06:00

Yesterday's festivities included a lovely trip to Tuscaloosa to chill with my girl, Leighann. Prior to my departure, I mustered up enough self-discipline to force myself to hibernate in the library for almost five hours to work on my infamous twenty page paper. Having successfully completed a large portion of my original goals for the day, I exited the library and faced a quiet night of relaxing and watching Legally Blonde on TBS.

However, upon entering my desolate dorm room, the silence and loneliness crept over me. The boyfriend's new job requires many long weekend hours, therefore leaving me to my own devices quite often. So impulse kicked in and I called Leighann.

"HEY, what are you doing?" I ask.
"Nothing, just getting ready to go out."
"Ohmygosh, I am so bored and lonely!"
"Well, get in the car and get down here!"
*Carrie thinks about her twenty page paper, her boyfriend who is working and unaware of her plans to leave town, and the responsibity she has to both to be mature in her decisions.
"Okay! I'm so excited. I'll see you in an hour."

Well, I am not quite grown up yet, okay? So, I impulsively executed a last-minute trip to T-town. The night was filled with meeting new people, relaxing with my girls, and an incredibly fun cover band complete with 80's wigs that stuck straight up in the air. Fun times.

This entry is dedicated to Leighann. You help me to stress less and enjoy the little things more. We have SO much fun together! I love you!

Last Four! Three! Two! And One! Okay, March it Out Ladies. Nice Job!

2005-03-14T21:03:00.000-06:00

It is official: I am scheduled to take the ACE group fitness certification test on April 15 in Tuscaloosa. I will not touch on what this will mean if I do not pass, seeing as I have spent an ungodly amount of money on the test and books with the clinging hope that I will be reimbursed somewhat shortly with a sixteen dollar an hour paycheck.

Let us, instead, focus on what this test will mean assuming that I do pass. I will be every aerobics' class worst nightmare. Yes, that is right. I have every intention of embodying every feature of the stereotypical aerobics teacher. I will bounce, I will smile, and I will yell numbers in a chipper and piercing voice. I will ask you if you are having a good time when you have that "I-just-got-up-from-a-nap-and-this-is-the-last-place-I-want-to-be-and-I-have-two-tests-to-study-for-and-a-research-paper-to-write-so-what-do-you-think-no-I-am-not-having-a-good-time" look on your face. Do not ever assume yourself to be safe from my overzealous exercise frenzy. If you look like you are only halfway participating, I will draw you in with maddeningly quick-like hyperactive intensity. I scoff to think that you should consider yourself safe when occupying the same proximity that I will when I become a truly certified aerobics teacher. This is only a warning.

Now, the only thing better than a two hour a week, sixteen dollar an hour job consisting of pure exercise is the job that I happen to currently be employed in. This dream job holds the title group exercise assistant and consists entirely of me attending one step class. With the exception of helping to lead for two days when my teacher became sick, this has probably been the easiest job on the face of the earth. I go to class, and then I get paid thirteen dollars and hour. Wow, somebody is getting fooled here, and it is not me.

Unfortunately, a new rule surfaced from the midst of a land called nowhere not too long ago stating that all group exercise assistants must be certified within a year. Ever heard the statement, "too good to be true?" Wouldn't life be lovely if we could all get paid for attending aerobics? Maybe it would help trim the obesity problem that America faces?

Nevertheless, I am truely excited. I was born to teach aerobics. So now I face an entire summer of perfecting my skills, watching videos, and practicing. The new rec center opens in the fall just in time for me to have my first class. They say that the classes can hold up to one hundred people.

But I show no fear. Bring it on.

To Stress or Not to Stress...

2005-03-10T23:08:00.000-06:00

Recent events include trying to get registered to take the ACE group fitness certification in April, trying to plan a trip to San Antonio in May, trying desparately to save enough money to accomplish both of these, trying to find the time to begin a twenty page Western Civ paper that is due in less than three weeks, trying to think about what I want to do for my fabulous nineteenth birthday, and constantly trying to find the time to study for everyday tests and quizzes that continually occupy my everyday life.

I have a lot to do.

Sometimes, thinking about everything that I have to do encompasses a greater majority of my time than actually doing them. Often, I think about my stress level and wonder if it is worth the satisfaction I receive from being so gosh-darn perfect. So I have composed a list of positive and negative results from my obsessive compulsive tendencies to keep life in perfect order.

Positives:

I adore the praise that I receive for my accomplishments. I am not sure that I would be
motivated to accomplish much unless I was sure to be positively reinforced for it.
My accomplishments alone are positives: scholarships, President's List, group fitness assitant
( future instructor), each and every single A that I have sweated for/cried for.
Even the process of learning to live on my own, partially supporting myself, and learning to conserve ( conserve money, food, socializing, etc...) is a positive.

Negatives:

Perhaps I have a tendency to drive people away with my perpetual need for a cheering
section. The boyfriend explained, "You know that I am proud of you, honey. It is just that
sometimes I feel inadequate next to you." This forces me to think about my past and the
demands I placed on family, friends, and boyfriends to support me in all that I do.
I think about the negative feelings that must have innately resulted in each of them from
continually having to force the expected smile and expression of congrats.
I also stress to the point of appearing whiny and unattractive. Many a time I have heard the expression, "Chill out." Not many people want to befriend someone who resides in a habitual state of anxiety and distress.
I spoil good moods that could have contributed to good times. Oftentimes, I immediately
inform the boyfriend of the problems of my latest endeavors before he has had a chance to breathe around me. Perhaps this puts a damper on his mood as well.

A message to those who wholeheartedly support me and do not concur with my list of negatives: I genuinely appreciate the encouragement. However, even though there are some that fall into this category, I believe there are many others that are thinking, "Yes, Carrie, you have hit it right on the nose." Maybe the first step to solving a problem is realizing that you have one. Maybe some people realize that they have a problem and never discover the means to solve it. Perhaps my ability to talk in circles like this is the cause of my stress problem to begin with.

Now I have confused myself, and I do believe that I am going to need some input before I can determine whether or not I possess a normal stress level. So weigh the good and the bad, and leave me some comments!

An Update

2005-03-06T22:35:00.000-06:00

I saw Cowboy Mouth in concert at Workplay last Thursday. It was an excellent show. There was plenty of fun to be had that night. Workplay is a neat place to those who haven't had the opportunity of an experience. I would highly recommend it. I have been to see many a band there.

Late night concert going resulted in extreme sleepiness on Friday, but I pulled myself together and headed off to camp for Fun Fish Weekend. Let me tell you, it was not as fun as it sounds! We had to get up at 5:30 every day and spent two four-hour shifts out on the lake fishing. That's definitely a new experience for me. The first half of Saturday I got pretty good campers. I also got to hang out with and catch up with another counselor from last summer. I had the pleasure of fishing off of a pontoon. It was warm and nice. After lunch, I was paired with a male camper who hates females. So that was interesting. We had the extreme luck to score a real fishing boat this time. Then the sun disappeared, the wind began to howl, and the water churned white caps. But Fun Fish Weekend ONLY HAPPENS ONCE! So, we sucked it up and headed out. My camper, Doug, generally ignored me and rolled his eyes at any attempt I made to establish some sort of communication between us. He slipped up after two hours, however, when I mentioned that I did not like broccoli.

"Just because the former President Bush of the United States, the dad of the President Bush now, doesn't like broccoli doesn't mean you shouldn't."

Yeah, who knew you could get a girl-hating camper to talk about broccoli. After that, we a had a good time. Doug likes baseball and football, but not soccer or basketball. He doesn't have any females in his family.

"But, Doug, didn't you say you lived with your Mom and Dad?"
"Yeah."
"Your Mom's a female."
*Eyes roll* "You know what I mean."

The rest of the weekend was spent sniffling and coughing. I am a sick girl. Today I began to blow wads of blood. It looks like the doctor's office will be blessed with my presence tomorrow.

I left camp early this morning to get inducted into an honor's society. It was nice to be recognized for all of this hard work I am doing here. It felt like high school again. You know, when you get recognized for even coming to school. The parents + brother+ boyfriend were all in attendence. It was a nice little ceremony with a speaker and certificates and even candles. Maybe it would have been better if I had not slept through the speaker though. Hmmm....

Then the parents took me out to eat. Very nice nowadays to be taken out to eat. I really am in shock at how much I have managed to spend here. My savings are shrinking at a faster rate than I had ever planned.

I am feeling very optimistic and good right now. I have a good family who supports me. I had a nice weekend outdoors in fresh air. For once, I did not have to breathe car fumes and had no trouble carrying a conversation due to the lack of blaring horns/sirens. Though I am, without a doubt, sicker for it, I enjoyed my weekend outdoors. I got to see some old campers again that I remember from Dadeville camp. My favorite, Lera Bell, provided much needed entertainment for me for most of the weekend. I also got some well deserved recognition for my accomplishments. Now, I have had a lot of fun here during my first year of college. I would say that I have managed to squeeze in just about as much fun as any other freshman. And it most certainly is an accomplishment to keep those grades up while having that much fun, I must say. Anyone who can make A's after having to deal with all of the crazy adjustments I have, I applaud.

I am feeling nice and safe and carefree for the moment. It has been a good weekend.

Camp Thoughts

2005-02-27T23:20:00.000-06:00

So I received a letter hiring me to work at camp once more for the summer. I am very much looking foward to revisiting something so familiar and safe. I am also looking foward to the payraise that I have so painstakingly earned. I love my campers, the sun, and the lazy hazy days of camp. I love the way that camp is it's own world, that which is not affected by outside influences. I like that I have finally befriended people who intend to come back.

I do not like the drama that innately occurs when a group of people are bound together for weeks at a time. I do not like that I have a tendency to let my personal life affect the work that I do at camp. I do not like that camp encompasses such a vast majority of my personal time. I do not like that others in my past could not understand the huge commitment that I am forced to make to camp.

I feel ashamed that I have not been the counselor that I could have been to my campers, simply because I felt sorry for myself and my own problems. Some of my campers cannot even speak. Some cannot walk. Some cannot even communicate what they feel, whether it be sad, happy, angry, hungry.... The list goes on. I do not know problems next these people.

This year, I am newly committed to the idea of camp. This one week is all that some look foward to. I am strengthened in my resolve to remember that.

Besides, what job could be better than playing outside all day?

Tale of a Crazy Young Maiden

2005-02-22T02:38:00.000-06:00

I got really emotional this weekend and convinced myself that the boyfriend will break up with me, because we just passed the sixth month mark and two previous boyfriends broke up with me after six months. Then I decided that if he is not going to do it now, he most certainly will during camp this summer, because two previous relationships also ended during camp two summers in a row. Furthermore, I drew the conclusion that my parents are already used to me being gone and do not need me anymore. Then I spent the whole day sleeping and crying because I was alone and no one needed or wanted me.

Then the boyfriend called.

"What's wrong, honey?"

I then proceeded to explain to him how my family does not love me anymore, how he does not need me anymore, and how he is most certainly going to break up with me soon.

Maybe the obsessive crying and whining scared him, because he showed up at my dorm at 8:00 before class this morning, rose in one hand and breakfast in the other. One hug and then I certainly felt a little low. As of the present moment, my tendency to slip into a complete irrational state of mind every now and then has not deterred the relationship. Perhaps he realizes that these situations are momentary, so he just sits tight until I am the sweet, thoughtful, loving, and level-headed girl that he knows. But I out-did myself this time. Hopefully he will make a full recovery.

Thank God he's sane.

Some good things:
1) I was praised by my aerobics boss for my work in class today. Perhaps this attention will be the incentive I need to get certified so I can have my own class next year.
2) I've been eating healthier and cutting down considerably on my caffeine intake. What a difference!
3) I've been thinking about where I'm going to live next year. I've realized that talking about change and thinking about new things makes me extremely happy.
4) I have an A in psychology so far. But unfortunately it is my only A. Since when have I turned into such a bad student? Oh wait, this is the good list...

Some not-so-good things:
1) My grades are stinky because I have no goals or ambition.
2) I have no goals or ambition.

In conclusion, now I must study to make the grades, which will enable me to discover my ambition, that will be the leading force allowing the discovery of my future path, after which I will excell at my future decision, so that I may reside in peaceful and perfect harmony with the boyfriend, when I will be able to visit the loving parents, and someday hope to teach aerobics on the side.

Such is Life

2005-02-15T02:29:00.000-06:00

So let's talk about this weekend. I started the weekend festivities early on Thursday when I promised my friend that I would accompany her and some friends to Tiki Bob's, a nightclub close to my dorm. The evening, begun somewhat shakily, proved to be rather entertaining. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the dancing, even while attempting to surround myself with as many people that I knew as possible so as to avoid the approach of drunk strangers dancing behind me. I also got a tremendous kick out of observing the millions of single guys surrounding the bar with barely a girl interspersed between them.

Finally collapsing into bed at 3:30 in the morning proved to be treacherous the next day. Sleep is a very valuable thing to a college student. After struggling to keep my eyelids open during class on Friday, I realized that I most certainly had promised another friend to attend a toga party with her that night in Troy. Thus began my interesting two hour trip to see my girl. The monotonous hour and a half drive down 65 began to seem like more than I could take. Sleep seemed to pull my eyes shut, so I pulled over. My original plan was to get a quick fifteen minute shut-eye, but I got scared when my car shook from the cars whizzing past and decided to keep going. Then I laughed about how I'm such an idiot for getting scared because my car shook and also because I simply cannot do anything that requires common sense. Five minutes later, traffic slowed to reveal a car resting comfortably on it's right side, crushing it's passenger side, left tires touching the sky, and on the right side of the road exactly where I had been attempting a nap five miles back. Life is fragile and momentary. I would suggest tying up loose ends before it's too late.

Needless to say, I was very alert for the remainder of my trip. Denise's bathroom and closet proved to be much larger than what I have been blessed with. Her toga party proved to be a great night. I learned that fraternity guys can be nice, and I also learned that having a pink toga frantically sewn on my body an hour before departure is fun entertainment. I love my girl and I enjoyed seeing where her new life now, but I did experience a swelling of mixed emotions in my stomach that didn't sit well on the drive back. It is difficult to adjust to the change that we have all had to undergo. This change seems to have happened overnight. It seems like change should happen more gradually after eighteen years of consistency.

Saturday morning's preparation for the drive home turned frantic when we discovered that Denise's Cardwell had reservations for their Valentine's celebration to keep. After a hurried farewell and a Happy Valentine's wish, I began the journey back to the city. Upon arrival I was immediately picked up by the father and whisked out to eat with his runner friends. Being insane, they are all rising at the butt-crack of dawn to run a marathon (yes, that's 26.2 miles) the next day. Fortunately, I do have a brain so I was dropped off at my dorm where I proceeded to make chocolate chip muffins, nestle deep into my one hundred percent Egyptian cotton sheets, and improve my laziness skills.

Sunday's marathon proved to be hectic. The boyfriend and I had a surprisingly stressful time attempting to catch the Dad at various spots along the route. Forgetting to eat breakfast haunted us as we searched for a place to eat. Then we remembered: there is no such place open on Sunday! That makes sense. We ended up at a tiny individually owned Greek place that was shoved beside an alley with a man trifling through the trash and whose sign advertised sandwiches, hot salami and corned beef, and cigarettes. Perfect. After the awards ceremony, in which my dad most certainly did not win the Mercedes for me, I executed a hurried trip to Wally World. Being an almost certain bad girlfriend, I most definitely did not have a Valentine's present yet. What's more is that we were going to celebrate in about three hours. I quickly purchased the necessary materials to make one heck of a cute photo album and hurried back to take a shower and quickly check thefacebook for about the twentieth time that day.

A side note: DO NOT get involved in thefacebook. It will take over your life, and you will be addicted. Do not consider yourself above others in that you might be an exception. Thefacebook spares no one.

An amusing little fact is that the ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend and I are now on a very friendly basis as a result of thefacebook. She has turned out to be a very lovely girl. We have bonded together from our mutual ex's tendency to ignore our existence. But such is life.

The boyfriend treated me to a lovely evening filled with good food, beautiful roses, a snuggly teddy bear holding an even more beautiful box of chocolate, a personally engraved photo album, a wonderful movie, and even more wonderful company. I say right now to anyone who claims that Valentine's Day is unimportant because it is too commercial: you are so wrong! While I was enjoying the VDay festivities, I experienced a revelation: last night felt like every other night with the boyfriend. No, he does not deliver all of those things at one time usually, but he is consistently selfless and giving. He continually sets aside his wants for the sake of my happiness. It should have been a special day, but having it feel so completely normal made me realize that he makes every day a special day for me. To all of my girls who complain that Valentine's make your guy feel obligated to make you feel special, you have the wrong man. The right one would have made you feel special a long time ago.

So that brings me to the present moment wherein I avoid all homework and unfulfilled duties. I have finely tuned the art of procrastination since taking up residence in this fine city. Perhaps it is due to the lack of a major and thus lack of direction in my life. Or maybe it is a result of my inner lazy spirit emerging to consume the unrelenting drive for perfection that has embodied my soul for the past eighteen years. It even may stem from the slight depression that has ensued after the loss of everything that I knew to be structure and order. I am not the girl I used to be. Surprisingly, the resilient nature of a human is an extraordinary thing. And so I go on.

On Attempting to Write Sappy Poetry

2005-02-03T19:18:00.000-06:00

My thoughts are filled with explanations
As to why I am so dependent on you
You so in need yet somehow... never... there...
And I am left alone again with my thoughts
Constantly denying
My own need

The feelings that resurface again and again
I'd like to discard permanently
As if they could suddenly become tangible objects
That would slip through my trembling hands out of my sixth floor window
Slowly tumbling to their demise
So you can't affect me again

The Definition of Attractive

2005-01-26T17:33:00.000-06:00

Years ago, attractive was a word I knew nothing about. I happened to be very homely as a child. The cute girls were the ones who sat in the teacher's lap at daycare, formed their own clubs while assuming the role of self-proclaimed president, and viciously tormented all others less fortunate than they. Because I liked to climb trees, eat pecans off of the ground, and God forbid, play with boys, I was rejected by them. Fortunately I was blessed with some intelligence, and this early dismissal affected my self image little. Physcally, I accepted that I would never be an eight year old beauty. I would have to quit being mistaken for a boy first. However, I knew that these girls were inferior academically and that, ultimately, this would be their downfall. I marveled at how the majority of my playmates mindlessly followed the influence of the dayschool elite. Could they not see how their leaders' sugary sweetness turned to venom as soon as the teacher left the room?

Because I refused to follow the oblivious mass, I often found myself alone on the playground. This rejection allowed me to expand other talents. I read, wrote, and constantly imagined. Because the world that I lived in was not beautiful to me, I delved into other worlds that were. Being that I was a certain target for either negiligence or harrassment during after school daycare, homework began to seem like a much safer alternative. As I progressed upward through my elementary school education, I became quite a successful student. I began to embrace school. Learning allowed a mental outlet for all of my emotional frustrations.

The start of middle school upset the balance that I had created for myself. Just like every twelve year old girl, I became increasingly self-aware. The physical changes that I underwent forced me to begin thinking. I had always considered beautiful people to be evil. I do not mean to offend any readers who happened to be cute as kids. It is just how I survived. Now I began to wonder if it was possible to be smart and cute. I would certainly make an attempt to find out.

By high school, I had completely transformed myself into a full-fledged girly girl. I began to wear skirts and cross my legs. My morning routine had expanded to include make-up and curlers. Fortunately I had enough good sense to keep up with my schoolwork. The smart girl stigma never quite wore off. So, I was, for the most part, undatable. However, a couple of boyfriends helped boost my confidence enough to know that I did, indeed, belong in my new feminine role.

I received a nice academic scholarship to college and arrived on August 15, 2004. The attention I received from the male sex the moment that I stepped onto campus was incredible. I had seen boys flirt with girls, and I had seen girls flirt with boys. But never before had I taken part in the festivities. I knew that I was sweet and funny and smart. Now I was absolutely confirmed to be good-looking as well. I had a good time for awhile. I flirted and teased. I even casually dated more than one guy at a time (something completely unheard of during days when I was lucky to have one guy interested).

After a couple of months, however, something became increasingly wrong. The boys' attention began to drift. There comes a point, regardless of how painful it may be, where becomes essential to do a self-evaluation. The guys didn't know how sweet or funny or smart I was. They only saw me as "hot." Hot is a word used more commonly by guys than girls would like to think and does not have much retaining value after the initial interest begins to wane. I had not done much to present myself as anything more than a flighty, ditzy little barbie doll. I was ashamed. I had allowed myself to enter the world that I despised simply because I had finally been accepted.

Today, I still curl my hair. But I also received a 4.0 for my first semester of college. I am involved in a wonderful relationship in which both parties appreciate the physical as well as mental aspects of each other. Finding this balance of qualities and attributes has finally enlightened me to the definition of attractive.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

2005-01-22T16:10:00.000-06:00

To borrow an idea from a friend's weblog, the following is a list of things that make me smile:

sunsets
rainbows
sunny days
knowing that I have made those who love me proud
cheesecake
the goodness that is Matt
swimming
the hungry feeling that results from swimming
watermelon
curling my hair
hearing compliments
singing
knowing that there are people who love me enough to put up with my singing
talking to strangers on the elevator
dancing with Leighann in traffic jams
being taken care of by Mom when I am sick
receiving handwritten letters
the runner's high after exercise
looking out of my sixth floor window at downtown after dark
actually cooking for myself
being cooked for when I go home
manicures
kitty cats
puppy dogs
the zoo
flowers

These are just a few of my favorite things. Isn't life wonderful?

Big City, Country Girl

2005-01-09T14:14:00.000-06:00

I am officially back in Birmingham after a lovely Christmas break. I feel rested and ready to rejoin the absolute chaos that accompanies living in a city and attending college. However, this first weekend I decided to celebrate the new semester by taking a trip back in time with my friend Leighann.

The weekend commenced with a monster truck show Friday night at the BJCC Arena. I have never seen so many camouflaged-clad, boot bearing red-necks in downtown Birmingham at one time. It was spectacular. The first truck that jumped the cars initiated blood-curdling screams from Leighann and me. There is something so unnatural and frightening about a truck that enormous flying through the air. We were terrified, though somewhat exhilerated by the sight of it. Later we would laugh at ourselves for being wimps in front of the millions of children under the age of ten that seemed completely unaffected.

Saturday consisted of visiting with another counselor from camp on his farm in Clay County. Though I am a native of Alexander City, I have never participated in the one activity that basically defines small town recreation-- mudriding. Leighann and I convinced our host to take us. I must admit that as the three of us bounced and splashed down muddy back roads, I had the most fun that I've had in a long time. Climbing down from the truck, I took in the view. I really looked at the stars sparkling and swirling in the never-ending, black sky, I really smelled the crisp country air, I heard the voices of every night creature, and I thought to myself, "This is heaven on earth."

I love city life. I wear my bling, my heels, and my make-up. I get my hair did, I walk through the busy streets laughing, and I dance the night away. I've worked hard to transform my life. I constantly feel the desire to move up and out. There is a better life out there than the one that was forced on me from infancy. But it seems that no matter how hard I try to forget where I've come from, there is always something that happens every once in awhile to remind me that there is a part of me that will always be that shy little country girl from a teeny town that no one's heard of. And though it doesn't seem glamorous or exciting, there is a tiny recurring thought that perhaps I might finally find the self-fulfillment that I've been searching for by relaxing on the front porch on a sunny day in the country.

CHRISTMAS!

2004-12-06T22:06:00.000-06:00

That's right-- 'tis the season people. From this point extending to the twenty-fifth of December, the central topic of all conversation will be the lovely holiday of Christmas. My love of the holiday precedes even my intense obsession for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, my affection for food had to develop after conquering my middle-school, anorexic tendencies.

But Christmas? Christmas is the feeling of ultimate anticipation, time-altering climax, and results in the complete release of greatest satisfaction that has yet to be surpassed by any other aspect of my semi-adult life.

My deep adoration of Christmas never began at a particular point, but rather just always was. As a young child, I can remember the simple things that provided me with such intense pleasure: the last day of school that was spent eating cookies and candy canes and conversing excitedly with schoolmates instead of accomplishing anything related to work; the calendar of December that daily depicted a different segment of the religious Christmas story; the church Christmas pageant where I broadcasted my incredible, breath-taking, singing and acting talents; the day of Christmas Eve that was spent listening to Christmas music, watching Christmas movies, playing "Santa" with the brother, and disussing what we were sure to receive the next day; the night of Christmas Eve at a small church's candlelight service where I pondered silently the meaning of a small baby in a manger; and then there was that one time at a small church's candlelight service when I caught my hair on fire, and my mother had to extinguish the flames silently and efficiently before I noticed (because, having noticed, I surely would have convinced everyone of the intense, gut-wrenching pain of the situation and of my pitifully small chance of survival). All of these small things culminated into that one moment on Christmas morning when a little girl bursts into the living room to discover that yes, Santa has once again executed his annual midnight performance. To her relief, the aftermath of the big man's appointment yields glittering, new presents and not the dreaded coal-filled stocking (the ominous possibility that her parents have repeatedly used as a behavior-control method).

As time passed, Christmas became more complicated to me. I slowly learned to accept a certain truth over the course of about three years. This truth I cannot depict in detail due to the incredible weight of sadness that I have yet to fully deal with. I learned to retrust my parents, even though they had the audacity to consume HIS cookies and to forge HIS name on a particular note left to warn a certain middle child of the repercussions of her bad behavior should it continue into the new year. I also learned an even more important value of Christmas--family. I learned how good it feels to think carefully of something that might bring a smile to someone who I care for, and then watch my plan unfold exactly as I imagined it would when I purchased the gift. On a scarier note, I learned how it feels to doubt more than just the commercial meaning of Christmas.

Today Christmas represents the first time I have done my own decorating; the continous repitition of three Christmas cd's until I am sure that my roommates are going to kick me out; and the loud, obnoxious singing that accompanies the repitition of three Christmas cd's that really makes me contemplate why my roommates haven't kicked me out. Christmas is finally getting to rest after a semester of exceptional, time-consuming academic performance. It is my opportunity to revisit my old world and values. It is my chance to rethink my more innocent days. It does have a tendency to produce feelings of nostalgia. Perhaps that's the source of so much depression during the holidays.

But as for me, I can remember without trying to convert into my former self. I can enjoy those memories while realizing that I am making new ones. My life has been comfortable and pleasant enough, but I have come too far to ever backtrack. So I am left with my memories.

And the simple things still give me the greatest pleasure of all.

P.S. Midday on Friday, December 3, 2004, I cut my finger while slicing the cheese for my bologna and cheese sandwich. I became absolutely convinced that I would not live to see another day. It was an extremely distressing situation. Fortunately, at the suggestion of the boyfriend, a band aid saved my life. It was a very close call.

Apologies

2004-12-02T09:15:00.000-06:00

Situations always seem to be altered in the morning, and passions, so alive and deep the night before, do tend to burn out after a few hours of sleep. I would like to apologize for my comment regarding the ex-boyfriends in my previous entry.

"My former boyfriends are both crazy. I was just too blinded by love to notice."

To say that they are crazy is, of course, not exactly true. It is merely an exaggeration. I do not know of many people that can remain close friends of their exes and I am simply feeling frustrated with mine.

My apologies to those offended, especially to one in particular who was, admittedly, exceedingly wonderful to me for the better part of two years.

Reflections

2004-12-01T22:56:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving proved to be all that I imagined. I enjoyed a lovely visit at home before returning to the mayhem that final exams has produced. The following are a few revelations that I have experienced in the time frame between my former versus new life:

I am, fortunately, not the only one who has gained weight.
I did not put enough effort into making my own friends in high school, but rather relied on current boyfriends to create social situations for me.
My former boyfriends are both crazy. I was just too blinded by love to notice.
I could make more friends if I were friendlier.
I am not nearly as innocent as my friends are.
In dating situations, it is better to play than be played. Though my secret and deepest desire is to be involved in a relationship that consists of mutual attraction and admiration, I have learned that this is impossible. That type of relationship does not, and may not ever, exist. It can, however, be amusing to join the game. I have become extremely skilled in a short amount of time.
I probably will not marry my next boyfriend, or the next, or the next...
I do not believe that you can love your significant other when you've only been together for a month or, in one particular case, for three dates.
People will change certain aspects of their personalities.
People will never change other aspects of their personalities.

Lastly, I have learned that small hometowns aren't nearly as suffocating and lifeless as we once considered them to be. They are the places that we grow up in. They provide us with backbone and structure. More importantly, their bad qualities provide us with the inspiration we need to better ourselves.

Regardless of how often and to what extent I change, there is always a part of me that is my hometown.

The Holiday of My Dreams

2004-11-22T18:42:00.000-06:00

It is undeniable that the pilgrims displayed tremendous amounts of courage during their first year here. They abandoned a country that suppressed their religious beliefs, sailed to a completely new world, and created a new freedom-based government by signing the Mayflower Compact. This Mayflower Compact, the precursor to the Declaration of Independence, represented the first sign of democracy and the first time that citizens were allowed to govern themselves. I stand in awe of the genius that our forefathers possessed.

However, the true basis of my admiration stems from their determination to celebrate that first Thanksgiving- with food! The ingenuity required by these people to even perceive of dedicating a whole day to eating is worship-worthy. What an amazing, astounding, stupefying concept!

Fast foward three hundred and eighty-four years later, and I am steadily involved in the countdown of the days until Thanksgiving of 2004. The day will commence with warmed, fresh-from-the-oven Sister Schubert pigs in blankets, scrambled eggs dripping with cheese, and hot, black, simmering coffee. Naturally the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade will follow. I will hardly be able to contain my excitement as I observe enormous balloons and pretty floats. My largest anticipation, however, centers around the closure of the parade. You know what I'm talking about- SANTA! Yes, after I spend five minutes jumping up and down and waving at the television to the big man, I regain my composure and begin to prepare for the main event of the day: Thanksgiving dinner. This involves changing into my turkey-eating pants ( i.e. anything stretchable) and settling into a comfortable mid-afternoon nap, during which the he-men of the house proceed to surround the television, examine the various football games, and generate assorted man-like grunts.

Upon awakening I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. A growl rumbles with quiet intensity from the inner workings of my belly, and a sharp hunger pain penetrates my side. There is no doubt- this meal doesn't stand a chance. Arriving at the table, I observe the sea of delectable edibles stretched before me. Golden brown turkey, bright red sweet potato casserole, fresh green beans, spinach casserole, steaming dressing, lucious cranberry sauce, classic giblet gravy, and then, of course, regular gravy (because, honestly, who could eat anything that contains the word giblet?) I shake with anticipation.

Twenty minutes later, the decimated entrees resemble the aftermath of a horrific tornado. That's right, in one sitting... in one tiny interval of time, I have consumed enough food that would have ordinarily lasted a week. That turkey never had a whisper of a prayer for hope.

I conlude with deepest gratitude to our early ancestors. Were it not for you, the greatest and most successful country in the world would never have come to be. More importantly, I would not have an excuse to stuff my face.

On Becoming an Elementary School Janitress

2004-11-19T01:12:00.000-06:00

That's right. I am an elementary school janitress. It is my job every Tuesday to vacuum the classrooms of Oak Mountain Elementary School. Earlier this year, I somehow temporarily lost complete and utter sanity long enough for the boyfriend to persuade me to take this horrific job with him. How hard could it be to vacuum classrooms on one hall, one day a week? Oh how naive, how completely innocent were those days!

Tuesdays are dreaded days now. The tedious, deathly boring monotony of pushing a vacuum back and forth, side to side, back and forth.... It never ends. Just as I am beginning to tire, the hallway stretches forth as if it were elastic, the rooms seem to multiply, and every child's happy face drawing sticky-tacked to the wall mocks me in silent amusement.

It is, by and large, the worst job I have ever had.

Fortunately, there are two lessons to be learned from this unique experience:
One: Never trust boys. They will, in some way or another, get you to vacuum!
Two: Stay in school so you can get a decent job, kids!

Title?

2004-11-15T18:49:00.000-06:00

Yes, Pizza and Asparagus is an odd title for a blog. Perhaps the time has finally come to enlighten you to its origin. I have worked at a special needs camp for two years. A particularly cute camper by the name of Linda is the inspiration for the name. She would always finish our phrases. We would say, "peanut butter and...", and she would shout "JELLY!" Another was "milk and..." with the response, "COOKIES." After several impressive rounds, we prompted her with "pizza and...", and sure enough the response rang loud and clear, "ASPARAGUS!"

I can see where that makes sense.

The game ended when she overheard us discussing a particularly feminine counselor, and could finish the prompt of "Zach is..." with an overwhelmingly strong, "GAY!" Hysterically funny- yes; my proudest moment- definitely not.

One Starry Night

2004-11-08T20:10:00.000-06:00

Some nights, like tonight, when I look out of my sixth floor bedroom window and observe all of the glittering street lights and busy traffic, I think, "This is the most beautiful place in the world, and I am the luckiest girl." I am surrounded by life and energy. There are concerts to go to, clubs to dance in, restaurants to eat in... I never want to feel like I've taken for granted this opportunity that I've been so fortunate to have.

Then there are days like last Wednesday, when nothing, not even the majesty of this new city, can help save my mood. It started sprinkling Wednesday morning. Both of my umbrellas have already broken in previous rainstorms. I think, "sprinkling= not very wet." Wrong. I was dripping, soaking wet after walking the fifteen minutes to my first class. Then I stayed dripping, soaking wet for two more hours during class. So then, I return to my dorm, where I proceed to dry my jeans for seventy-five whole cents (which does equal about five dollars in grown people money since I am the typical college student and I am poor). After this, I attend my Chemistry class where I discover that thirty people have completely aced (yes, that equals 100%) a test that I found extremely difficult. Definite self-esteem booster. Then I sulk in my dorm room for a couple of hours, procrastinating on a paper that is due the next day. At 7:00, my boyfriend heads to a football game that I can't go to because I have to write a paper that I've been procrastinating on. Around 8:00, I begin on the paper only to discover that my printer doesn't work. So I spend the next two hours on the phone with my dad trying to figure out what exactly is wrong with my printer, which completely ends up being a lost cause. So, it is 10:00 and I have not written my paper, my printer doesn't work, and my boyfriend is already heading back from the football game that I could have gone to after all because my paper still isn't written. So I spend the whole night hand-writing the paper, grab a couple of hours sleep before I awake at 8:00 A.M. (yes-A.M.) to take a math test that I didn't study for because I was writing a paper.

But seriously, folks, not everything can be roses all of the time. One bad day compared to the life I'm living- I'll gladly deal. Also, it makes for an amusing story that everyone can laugh at.

Home For The Holidays

2004-11-01T15:26:00.000-06:00

I recently made my first trip home since beginning my new college career. Even though I was warned incessesantly about the changes I would undergo during my first year of college by others who had already made the transition, I was still surprised at the life I left behind.

No one has changed; life continues the way it always seems to in a small town. However, my role seems to have disappeared from the radar screen. Maybe it was the lack of my towel hanging in the bathroom or the funny looks I received at church, but something gave me an incredibly quesy feeling in the bottom of my stomach.

See, this is what it boils down to: for eighteen years, my life and goals have centered around being accepted to and receiving scholarships to a respectable university. My church family, school teachers, music teachers, and family were all very active participants in my achievement of this goal. All pushed, encouraged, molded, and made me into the young woman who would be able to leave to pursue a new life of my own.

But leaving and attending college involves much more that your leaders and role models either choose to ignore or don't realize. It involves pursuing a new life with new goals, new role models, new friends, and a new family. I don't have to completely break the ties with my old life at home. I do, however, have to be shared.

This idea of being shared between two separate worlds is perhaps the largest factor in the production of the quesy feeling in my stomach. At home, the beliefs, values, and traditional thought patterns prevail in my mind. There is only one way to accomplish things, and it is force-fed into your brain from the instant you open your eyes. Here, I am meeting so many new people, and learning so many different views of controversial and touchy subjects. It seems that I am stagnant in regards to my views on these subjects or even life in general.

Do you know the feeling you get when you return home after you've been on vacation? You may or may not have had a wonderful time, but nothing compares to the feeling of "coming home." I suppose my biggest problem is that I do not get that feeling when I return home or when I return to Birmingham. I am floating.

So life is tough, huh? Try this double life that I am being forced to lead at so young an age. Next time the sarcastic remark, "You can come home, you know," forms in your mind, remember all of those floaters out there, who just haven't found themselves yet.

Secret Addictions

2004-10-27T18:18:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'll admit, two months into college and I'm already confessing secret addictions. But there's just one in particular that seems to have taken a life of its own. Its hold over me is so incredibly powerful that I dream about it at night, I get the shakes if I go a couple of weeks without it, and my senses go haywire if I see anyone else doing it.

That's right, I'm addicted to eating cheesecake.

Not just any cheesecake, either. It has to be the Jello brand that you make out of a box. This five dollar investment in money and ten minute investment in time results in the most heavenly, graham cracker crusted, melt-in-your mouth ooey gooey goodness topped with real strawberries.

Not only do I love the taste, but also the convenience. When I moved to Birmingham to attend the lovely Unversity of Alabama at Birmingham, I barely knew how to make a sandwich. Whoever knew that there existed a way to make the most delicious cheesecake in the world in only ten minutes? I mean, all you do is add milk. It's like Cheesecake for Dummies 101. What an amazing and wonderful concept.

I have a serious problem here. I have no willpower left to battle the neverending craving for cheesecake. Even typing the word gives me shivers. So until a CA (Cheesecakaholics Anonymous) group is invented, I suppose I will have to learn to deal with my addiction.